Fussy’s Frump Fighting Manifesto-
- Ye shall not purchase any Mom Jeans.Ever. Furthermore, any pants that have pleats shall be bonfire fodder. When Ye sit, Ye shall not have thou pant pockets fluff like balloons.
- Ye shall look at Ye behind before Ye leaves the house. Ye shall check for the dreaded ‘upside-down-heart-butt’ look. Ye shall also immediately change my clothes if the enemy combatant, Evil Muffintop, pops out.
- When Ye gets dressed and looks in the mirror. Ye shall not suck it in. Why? Ye can’t suck it in all day. Sucking the muffintop in all day is impossible. Ye shall look at thou reflection realistically, realistic muffintop and all….
- Ye shall keep lipstick, mascara, blush, and eyeliner in three places at all times. The car’s console, home, and thou purse will always be stocked.
- Ye shall, despite thou distractions- homeschooling, nursing, blogging, take the time to shower everyday. Thou shall continue fighting the funky-smellin’-frump!
- Ye shall say "No" to smooshed girls and fluffy waistbands..Thou shall donate all ye T-shirts that do these two things- flatten the boobs, and expand the waist. Ye shall respect ye rack.
- Ye shall not be sucked into trying on clothes at Target, except Isaac’s line & Liz Lange (if thou be expectin’). All the other clothes DO NOT FIT, if ye be over 120 lbs. Thou must admit it. They look horrible on . (Ugh, Fussy is getting a headache and has an unnatural desire to put on a housecoat. A printed, quilted housecoat)
- Ye must promise to refuse to wear maternity overalls. (Must-be-strong-back-away-from-the-overalls.)
- Ye shall actually follow thy fellow Frump Fighter’s advice. Bad things happen when these things are ignored.
- Ye shall never touch a crimper
Have fun! I can’t wait to learn from you. Love, Fussy
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
please, thou must haveth mercy on me as I continueth to try to implenteth this manifesto. Holdeth off on thou public flogging ofeth me, please.
Amen Fussy. Was too “right on” not to share with all my closest girl friends. Not that they would ever do these things mind you. We do have our standards!!!
Lol! I hate pockets that fluff! I think my favorite is thou shall fight the funky-smellin frump!
Also, do they even make maternity overalls anymore? I’m sure women are just saving them for the next baby. Throw them away and say goodbye to the year 1990!
I can’t believe you forgot the number one fashion no no.
Ye shall NEVER EVER EVER wear Crocs.
Like, ever.
Please tell me that Fussy does NOT own a pair of Crocs. Please…
LOL! Does anyone still own a crimper?
I LAUGHED at your Target one! So true. Way to help the helpless!
Number 2 is so true! Look at ye self before ye leave the house. Make sure that along with “upside down heart butt” that ye can’t see ye pattern of ye drawers through ye pants. (I saw this on someone the other day, and I asked myself did they not look in the mirror before they left?)
This should be printed out and taped to every bathroom mirror.
Oh but we can suck in it all day !
I’m left wondering why we have forsaken the “house dress” that served our Grannies so well over the years. A brightly colored pretty cotton house dress was my Granny’s daily uniform and somehow she worked it without looking frumpy. Or maybe Granny never looks frumpy in the eyes of an adoring 3 year old.
OMG, I thought I was the only one who noticed that about the clothes at Target. Everyone keeps raving about their cute clothes, so I keep going there but everything is so SMALL. Augh.
You are so funny! Seriously, who crimps their hair? That is just a crime against sensibility!!
ahhh…the pleated pants poof. I keep telling my dh it isn’t a flattering look for men either!
what’s a fluffy waistband?
Awww man no more sucking it in? What will I do all day?
Spanx it is!
#7 – Yea!!! Why????
Too cute!
But seriously. South Texas. 108 degree heat. 100% humidity + console + makeup = really sticky, expensive, melted mess.
I’m with Kelly, please tell me you don’t own crocs. They aren’t cute on anyone but Nurses and the under 6 set.
I am proud to say I own no crocs.
My hubs has camo crocs.~Fussy hides head in shame~
All the boys have crocs, too.
“Ye shall respect ye rack.” Genius. As for the clothes at Target: ye are so correct. They only give the illusion that they will fit, as long as they stay on the hanger. Otherwise? Forget about it.
Fussy, in your -ahem- spare time, would you please let us know if the fatwa on Crocs also apply to their sandals and Mary Janes?
And how nice to know I am not the only one missing out on all those cute limited edition designer Target clothes. That section of the store needs a warning label like the roller coasters at Disney.
I’d like to put in my 2 cents and say: “DOWN WITH GRAY SWEATPANTS.” Honestly, does anyone look good in those things? Anyone?
Fussy, I’m a frizzy girl who longs to be a curly girl and wonders what product you use to define your lovely ringlets? Help me fight the frizz-frump!!
Cheap-o sloppy flip-flops gotta go, too!
May I add: Ye shall never leave the house in white running sneakers unless you are leaving the house to RUN. And, Ye shall burn all two-piece matching jogging suits unless you are—you guessed it—jogging.
I think manifesto should be handed to new moms along with the cord care directions and the breast feeding guide. I would like to add ye shall not chop hair off just because ye does not have time to brush it.
My mother-in-law gave me crimpers for four years running. She either really loves the crimped hair or really hates me. I wonder….
How about, Ye shall not indulge in the plumber crack. Pants should not be worn if you can not reach down to pick up a dropped nuk without showing your panties or worse yet, your actual crack. Nasty. Not Hot!
What about:
Ye shall not try to pass off slippers as shoes.
Ye shall not try to pass of pajama bottoms as pants (no matter how cute the print is)
Actually, ye shall not wear any pants with a print on them because they just end up looking like pajamas!
Did you see my 10 commandments of blogging on my site? Great minds think kind alike? Manifesto-Commandment? Similar? No?…okay then…just ignore me!
Don’t forget that Ye should not be delusioned into thinking that your hair is fine without blowdrying. Unless it really looks better than it does when it’s blow dry. YOU can’t make this call. You must call someone who is brutally honest. That would be my sister!
God Bless her. She always tells me the truth.
Oh, hilarious.
Only, OK in summer….is like TX in summer. There is NO WAY I’m leaving makeup in the car…purse and home, no prob. Shoot, purse, home, and whatever I am using for a diaper bag (I’ve got five–three squirrelly girlies, and twin 1-yr old monkey boys)…but never ever ever the car. Makeup=crayons..
Now, see, I never wear my croc styled garden shoes out and about…but I *do* live on 10 acres, with a huge garden and 70 something chickens, and assorte other poultry…so I *do* own some–mostly so I am not constantly putting on and off my other shoes (not to mention, ruining said shoes…”goose poo”? Need I say more? Didn’t think so)
Oh–and I skip all of the pants–I just wear nice cool skirts–no need to worry about some of those commandments (maybe you ought to make one up for ladies who wear alot of skirts?)
Rachel
I only hope to abide by this manifesto for even one day, as I’ve come to you for salvation. For I am guilty of almost every infraction.
“Respect the Rack” — I think that should definitely be a t-shirt!
ha! the target comment is so true! that place is such a fake-out. terrible. i concur with the banishing of grey sweatpants. no woman looks good in those.
also–love the baby pictures. thanks for sharing.
Ye must wear sunscreen. Unless ye likes wrinkles! Sunscreen is thy fountain of youth!
I am so obviously frumpy. Oops. Can we blame Berkeley?
You would be proud of me today. I purchased a new pair of jeans and a new pair of shorts instead of squinching up the old ones with dorky belts.
Losing 15lbs from pre-wedding stress has it’s benefits.
Love this.
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom: http://tinyurl.com/43ezzb
Every time I shop at target, which admittedly is frequent, I take their stupid-survey-that-wouldn’t-be-stupid-if-I-won-a-gift-card so that I can tell them that they can do better with the clothes.
May I add:
Ye shall not wear shoes designed with velcro strong enough to withstand river rapids unless ye are riding aforementioned rapids. Ye shall avoid all shoes that make ye look like a Flinstone or a Hobbit.
Ye must smooth over gigantic rats nest on thy head before going out of thy cottage.
Every week I sit behind women who have ratted their crown 2 inches high. Looks great from the front. A messy distraction from the back. They need to go to Target and buy a hand mirror.
LOVE the Manifesto! I don’t normally participate in Fight the Frump Friday (although I’m a big fan), but I linked to this post on my blog today.
Hey, I thought I was the only one who kept dual makeup! You never know when … or where … you’re gonna need it!
Hey, I thought I was the only one who kept dual makeup! You never know when … or where … you’re gonna need it!
I am most guilty of workout clothes all day because we walked at 6am… and showered the night before. A+ for the must blow-dry rule. I convince myself daily that my hair looks fine… sure, it does… for Frau Frumpy.