As many of you know, my step-daughter moved to far-far-far-awayland and we wait impatiently to see her over Christmas and Summer break. She’s 14 and teetering on the edge of young adulthood. She is wonderful. Want to see us all? Good.
Sometimes it takes three pictures to tell a story.
Through the years, you have seen little glimpses of her, but I wanted to limit her mentions until I had her permission, as a young adult, to blog about her. Which leads to me the topic of privacy. Personal blogging is a delicate balance of sharing your life without sharing too much. How do we tell our stories while protecting the privacy and feelings of those around us? How do I share my life in an authentic way without embarrassing my kids for eternity?
A personal blog is, at best, an evolving story of the author’s life. We all grow, we all change, we all have periods of darkness or pain, and the best blogs grow with the author. I have been criticized by a friend for showing sunshine and rainbows here and not showing more of the depth or occasional darkness of life. To that, I plead guilt. I write of struggles and heartache only when I can look back and tell the painful story with resolution. Sometimes writing about the unknown is just too much.
A surprising, and often unspoken, phenomenon occurs with personal bloggers who are raising families. (Props to all the Mom & Dad bloggers out there.) The daily grind of raising children is exhausting and relentless. From the constant messes of preschoolers to the hormone fueled rollercoaster of emotions from teens, it kicks our proverbial trash on a daily basis. I find I don’t see the forest for the trees. I don’t sit back and say, “I’m doing a good job, and the kids are pretty darn cool little people.” I don’t stop and laugh enough at a crazy scene or see the beauty in the everyday moments of family life. Blogging makes me take notice. I see a crazy situation and before flipping out, I take a picture and laugh, and then make them clean it up. I see daily interaction and think about the magic of the moment and capture it on my phone.
As more and more women tell their stories, we see we are not alone. We share moments and experiences, and in doing so, we are creating works of art and archiving our legacy.
I will continue to tell my story, the story of my family, the story of our lives together. Will I leave out the details that would drive the kids to a therapist’s couch one day? You bet. My online story is real, but with a bent toward highlighting the sunshine and rainbows. My great-grandchildren’s great-grandchildren will know me by these posts.
As we get closer to BlissDom, I am more and more excited about the gift it is to host an event that honors women online. From personal bloggers to business women and everywhere in between, it is a celebration of all women in this digital space. Hopefully in the weeks to come I will carve out time to write.
What about you? If you have a blog,what has blogging done for you personally, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend? How do you balance the issues of privacy and authenticity without scarring the lives of those around you? (chuckles) I would love to hear your take on it all.
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Bloggers who are parents of teens have a special challenge, I think. I have only one child – he’s 16 – and there’s no way I could ever post about the things he goes through. He would JUST DIE to have that stuff out there on the internet. Mommybloggers who post about every spit up and diaper change don’t know how good they have it – not only the unlimited content but the camaraderie of other mommybloggers.
They may THINK they’ll continue to blog their every life experience when their children are teens – perhaps they think their kids will be used to it having grown up with it – but any mother who cares more about their child then their readership numbers would never do that to him.
I’ve said for years that there is a dearth of resources for parenting teens on the blogosphere. If I could figure out the answer to that one I could quit my job & blog for a living.
There is so much I don’t blog about in regards to my boys and their lives (they are at the tender ages of 12, 13 and my special needs stepson is 16). I do blog about where I am, so sometimes that includes details of their situations. I try to stay as vague as possible…the humorous situations though I have to blog about. Their wives can read it one day and laugh!
I also find myself posting sometimes asking for advice from the vast knowledge that lies in the blogosphere. Raising tweens/teens is HARD and I am thankful to have a network of online friends waiting to give their two sense.
Can’t wait for Blissdom, girl!
Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..Green glasses? Who knew…
Great post.. and what a great blog!
I love it, and so glad I found you.
Blogging has taken on a whole new meaning for me lately as well. But, for the most part, an online diary to perserve the goofy, memorable antics of Trinity.
I do leave out alot of stuff… and try to keep it light and funny. But, I find myself sharing more and more over the last couple of years. . . it’s way more fun when you just “put it out there”.
I have no ability to budget my time, or organize my life these days though. I’m kind just flying by the seat of my pants, and hoping not to scar Trinity too bad in the process… LOL.
Your family picture reminds me so much of my family!
Hubby has 3 kids from his first marriage, I’ve got one from my first and we have four together. We’ve been married almost 13 years.
Honestly, when I first started blogging I had zero thoughts about keeping things private. I let it all hang out ~ so to speak. Since then I’ve scaled waaaaay back. The problem is finding the balance. If you share nothing, then you come across as unapproachable {perfect}, but if you share everything . . . . .
I’m looking forward to Blissdom. Thank you for all your hard work!
I liked reading your thoughts on this. There are so many times when I wish I could sit down and pick the brains of my favorite bloggers. There are quite a few questions I would ask, but the main two are how to balance privacy and how to balance family life. The times when my blog has been growing and doing well, have been times when I’ve neglected my duties as a wife and mother.
On the topic of privacy: Every so often, I will read a post and cringe because of the way a blogger will talk about her husband, her kids, her mother-in-law. I cringe because they are sharing too much – like throwing open the windows to let the neighborhood in while a family disagreement rages. I have hesitated, recently, to share more about my children. The more visitors I have to my blog, the more strangers I seem to have peering into my private life. I am struggling to find the perfect balance for myself and also for my kids. I don’t want to embarass or humiliate them by sharing a moment I think is cute or funny.
I know there are a lot of people out there who want to see more of the nitty-gritty of the daily life behind a blog, but I also think there is such a thing as being too real, too bold, too honest. There has to be a balance. I don’t want to sacrifice my family life – the sanctity of it- to keep readers coming back for more. At some point every blogger has to draw a line, and stick to it.
Personally, I have a lot of respect for the line you have drawn for yourself and the amount you share on your blog.
BlueCastle´s last blog ..Lotion and Lip Balm
I love this. I think it tells a lot about a blogger when you see what they choose to share. You can share family moments in a way that shows respect and care.
Great topic and you have a beautiful family. I so wish that I could come to BlissDom.
I do post photographs and little stories on my blog about my children BUT some may be lead to believe that I only have the cute as a button twin toddlers running around because they will very rarely get a glimpse of my 14 year old. I only post photographs of him with his permission because with the impressionable teen years the last thing I want is for his friends to see the photographs or stories I have kept and tease him. I also limit my blogging of the twins. You will never see those cute little bare bottoms and you will never see me sharing certain stories about their antics. Some funny ones I tweet, but others are private and only shared with family and friends. You will also very rarely get a glimpse into my personal life aside from outings, vacations or my occasional weight loss drama. There are some things that really just need to be kept private. However, I do think it’s important to share just a little with readers so they get to ‘know you’ and can relate to you. I notice on a lot of blogs who post surveys for their readers that a lot of their readers really want to know more about the person behind the blog and I think that kept to a minimum that this is a great idea.
The last thing I would want is to have my children grow up and feel embarrassed by anything I have written about them. What you put on the internet is there FOREVER. I cannot understand how some wives/mothers get on the internet saying some of the things they do about their husbands and children … especially if they are not using an ‘alias’.
* TONYA *´s last blog ..THAT’S MY DAUGHTER
If I hear you say one more time that you are not really a writer, you just post funny pictures, I’m going to scream.
You are such a great writer, and this post is just another fine example.
I didn’t worry about writing my children’s lives until August when I watched my daughter get on the school bus for the first time and disappear for seven hours. Suddenly the “this may be too embarassing to write” filter became the “Oh my gosh, I’ve invited the public into my children’s lives and now I can’t protect them” filter. As my daughter, in particular, grows up I will be sure to think more carefully about what I say, the photographs I post. My son is the one who will surely drive me to the edge, so with him I’ll need to be careful not to post specifics that may some day embarrass him.
Or maybe I’ll take a page from David Sedaris, throw my dysfunctional extended family to the wolves, and make a killing. Nah, I’ll increase my blogging filters.
Amy´s last blog ..Twitter Party Calendar – January
We got brandy new doors on our rooms last week and Connor had to take the pictures and posters off the back of his door. When we were going through the ones he wanted to keep, there was a pencil drawing of two boys given to him by your oldest in Kindergarten. When I asked him what he wanted to do with it he told me “Mom,of course I have to keep it! It’s the only memory I have of him, he was my best friend”. We miss you and your rays of sunshine! I’m glad everything is going so well with you! Tell the boys Connor says hello and he misses them!
I look at it this way – the more I write about the sunny side of life, the sunnier my disposition is about difficult situations. Obviously, doesn’t work for tragedies, but brings perspective to everyday struggles.
Great post.
Texasholly´s last blog ..As mad as a wet cat?
as my kids get older i reveal less and less about their lives. i recognize that there are many things they won’t want the world to know. i also have to clear photographs now
i am so excited about blissdom. i know it’s going to be fabulous!
melissa stover´s last blog ..A school day in 2010
I just started blogging…like 4 days ago. I worked hard over the weekend to get my blog looking like it wasn’t brand new, so I did a marathon posting session. I sent the link to mom so she could check it out and she had a very interesting comment…
“One thing I think about people who blog is that the process must make them/you/all appreciate all the things/people/activities in their lives because they have to put it all down in a positive way. ”
I thought that was a very interesting take on the idea that you are talking about. How we “think” about things really does affect how we “feel” and so each time we post a situation with the “spin” for the public view, we are changing our own feelings about it…
I think that’s pretty cool!
I think that you are right about blogging making people more reflective and therefore enabling them to see the forest for the trees. Such an important life skill because really today is all we have guaranteed and if we don’t enjoy today, we don’t enjoy life, and then really what is the point?
I agree with you also that bloggers and writers of all sorts have to work hard to strike the delicate balance of sharing enough to be real and meaningful while still maintaining a private life for themselves, their families and even as you point for futute generations.
So interesting Alli. I blog in different ways (resource-y at Boston Mamas, business at Posh Peacock, personal at Pop Discourse) and I feel very open about things, though your statement, “Sometimes writing about the unknown is just too much.” really resonated with me. I have one thing in my life in particular that I’ve been wrestling with and it’s the one thing I just haven’t been able to blog about.
I probably should see my shrink about that…
Boston Mamas´s last blog ..Blogging Niche and Beyond
I think there is a fine line. Finnegan is on my blog because as a SAHM, he is a large part of who I am right now. As he gets older, I am sure that the mentions of him will evolve to protect his privacy. I blog funny things about my husband, but would never write {nor even discuss with my friends} the pieces of our marriage that I wouldn’t want him to share either. I think there is a really fine line between dumping your feelings and writing with thought. And let’s face it, there are blogs out there that are much like friends who share too much, I’m an open person, but There are days that I do both, but I tend to err on the side of writing with thought.
Lovely, thought provoking post Allison. So may good wishes coming your way for a wonderfully successful Blissdom. I’m hoping to attend next year!
Michelle´s last blog ..NBC might be the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
I think there is a fine line. Finnegan is on my blog because as a SAHM, he is a large part of who I am right now. As he gets older, I am sure that the mentions of him will evolve to protect his privacy. I blog funny things about my husband, but would never write {nor even discuss with my friends} the pieces of our marriage that I wouldn’t want him to share either. I think there is a really fine line between dumping your feelings and writing with thought. And let’s face it, there are blogs out there that are much like friends who share too much, I’m an open person, but There are days that I do both, but I tend to err on the side of writing with thought.
Lovely, thought provoking post Allison. So may good wishes coming your way for a wonderfully successful Blissdom. I’m hoping to attend next year!
Michelle´s last blog ..NBC might be the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
As you know, I just forge ahead and scar everyone around me. It’s the best way for me to get things off my chest.
Avitable´s last blog ..Fails of 2009
That made me giggle.
I think it all depends on the family. Everyone in my family knows I blog so they assume they’re fair game unless they tell me otherwise. We don’t really keep secrets in this family so unless someone tells me not to blog it, there’s a good chance if I’ve got a camera in hand, or I say, OMG this is so going on my blog, that they know. and my bf has a teenage daughter. she doesn’t care. But I would have at her age. So I can see where you moms are coming from.
~The South Dakota Cowgirl~´s last blog ..Texas Bound
As a single, middle-aged professional I don’t exactly fit the typical female personal (as opposed to political) blogger model. By nature I’m an introvert; I think I blog to remind myself there really is someone inside here with opinions, feelings and perspectives that are worth hearing. For a long time, no one IRL knew about my blog. When a friend stumbled across it and read through the thing from beginning to end, I did the same, coming to the conclusion that over all, it was an accurate representation of me.
I, too, lean toward sunshine and rainbows, and tend to share heartaches after the fact or in a more impersonal, let’s-think-about-this style. Introvert = no undue sharing of innermost turmoil in massively public forum. Unless I have prior permission, I keep my friends and relatives anonymous.
Diane´s last blog ..Devotion
As a result of what you taught us at SITScation, I am trying to be more aware of privacy issues and being more choosy about what I choose to share on-line. Like you, I don’t tend to post much about the touchy subjects in my life and I try to never post anything that would embarrass anyone in my family. Especially as my youngest moves into middle school, that will be a bigger concern. Good post and I’m glad everything is working out for you.
PS: Your link to the painful story isn’t formatted correctly.
adrianscrazylife´s last blog ..Opposites Attract…
Blogging gives me an outlet. Life is so busy and so chaotic and, sometimes, so stressful, that I try to focus on the moments that, in their insanity, keep us sane.
I agree with other posters, things that are hurtfully embarrassing I avoid. And while I do use out names, and it’s clear the basics of where we live, I don’t talk about where my kids go to school, specifically, their teachers names, etc.
I’ve had to walk the fine line on blogging my life. There is so much I’d LOVE to say, but based on my audience, I have to censor myself a lot. I write about my special little guy, I tell stories about Bri at school, I tell stories about saving my marriage. I don’t post pics of people outside my immediate family ie those who live in my house. I will write about Bri making her sacraments, but not her 1st period. I will write about Jimmy losing his IEP, but not about being excluded. It something I have to judge and decide as I go along.
Jennifer A´s last blog ..Another birthday in the bag
I stumbled upon this blog after looking to see where my friend, Mckmama, would be speaking. Now I’m glad I did.
My husband recently started a blog to encourage men who struggle with internet porn. He already has a family member that was offended by it. Mostly because she keeps him on a pedistal. I think he’s being extremely real and vulnerable, and he needs to be. His blog is about having victory and to talk about the victory of overcoming addiction, you need to talk about the addiction. Could our children find it, yes, but at that age, we’d already tell them about it. Could their teachers, co-workers, church family find it, yep, but most already know. We are as open in real life. What ya see is what ya get. I hate secrets! Is that a fault? To some, maybe.
Will he continue bloggin the hard truths, yes! Will I, yes! We are a couple with a great marriage because we stuck together and overcame! Our blogs reflect that.
Love that you wrote this. My husband has a really hard time with me blogging personal stuff. I’m an open book, he is not. He asked that I not use our kids names or his, so I don’t. I post very few pics of the kids and intermingle royalty free shots of other kids in and among them. I try to keep real personal (oh-my-God-mom-I-can’t-believe-you-wrote-that-about-me) information about the kids to a minimum or non-existent and the post content more or less about me and my opinions and factual information about breastfeeding. But it’s hard. I want to have a place to really talk, about issues other than breastfeeding and parenting, about my bad days and my marriage issues. I do leave comments here and there about it, but it’s basically forbidden (and rightly so I suppose) on my blog. So it’s a struggle sometimes. I guess I should start journalling again if I want to write about that stuff but ever since I started blogging this feels so much easier!
Melodie´s last blog ..When Not Breastfeeding Breaks Your Heart A Little
My blog is really more about me and my feelings and life, than my children and personal stories. Though I do blog about them and share cute pictures, I don’t often delve into anything personal or taboo when it comes to them.
Privacy is something I wrestle with often, though. To share, or not to share… their names, their pictures and so forth. I go back and forth on this. But, in the end, I doubt I’d ever remove them completely because they have made me part of who I am today.
Plus, they’re so darn cute!
Nell
Nell@CasualFridayEveryDay.com´s last blog ..Wht Was This Such A Mystery?
I am new to the blog world and I find it very therapeutic to get my thoughts and the daily happenings of my life out there. I am a mommy to a 2-year old and I wish I would have started this a long time ago but was afraid that my story wasn’t interesting enough or what have you. Now, I realize that my extended family and friends, who live a bazillion miles away from me can read my blog and in turn feel like they are home with us. That is what I hope to accomplish in my blog. It has been such a fun thing and I hope to keep it up for a very long time. As I start my blog I have struggled with the whole idea of what is too much info, or am I being real enough, is this worth writing down and many other questions. I think that your story comes with good and bad and messy and wonderful times and that being honest in your story is what it is all about.
amber´s last blog ..If I had a million dollars….
If I had to hold back on my writing and not just “throw it all out there,” my blogging would start to sound like a series of bad Christmas letters. I write with aliases and never post photos with faces (because I’m a paranoid freak), but I’m sure my kids will find my blog someday. To say they won’t is like thinking a kid won’t find the “hidden” key to his parent’s “secured” gun safe. So as a result of my blogging and much more, I’m sure the kids will need therapy. But as my best friend says, childhood isn’t really complete unless you need therapy as an adult.